Mafia Gazette Past Issue 40
Monday 3rd October 'THE ONE MAN WAR – SQUASHED ' By TieDomi A man by the name of “Squashed” declared war on…well just about everybody, but especially Street Bosses. He claimed that the reason for this is because his former boss Moonshine was killed and that he normally isn’t like this but “we” brought him to this. Mr. StripheVenceti sent him the witness statement of the murder, from the person who killed Moonshine themselves. This person had Mr. Venceti tell Squashed that they wanted him to go to Dallas. Apparently wanting a duel. For this, Squashed tried to kill Mr. Venceti on more than one occasion. Squashed was also accused of spreading around many rumours to have people killed. The people he wanted to have killed were people who didn’t even have anything to do with Moonshine’s death. He also was given the chance to go to Dallas and go face to face with Moonshine’s killer, but he didn’t. Squashed told Mr. Venceti that he is a Who-err and that he runs away. He asked Mr. Venceti to meet him, Mr. Venceti said he would be glad to meet in Hawaii so In reply to this, Squashed called the Who-Errs all scum and said that he is now scum as well because they brought him to this level. After Mr. Venceti pointed out that Squashed had “started many rumours and got many people killed”, Squashed said that only to the Who-Errs would the lesson be done. Squashed then admitted to killing two street bosses for no reason, but would now focus only on Who-Errs. Alone eventually showed up to point out to Squashed that Mr. Venceti was only the messenger and had nothing to do with the killing. Alone also let Squashed know that he doesn’t care if he died and that his son would just come back and hang out as a citizen anyway. Upon saying this, Squashed said “You all run and hide, A Citizen, the who~errs, I thought you were all proud of being killers.” Apparently Squashed was trying to claim that Alone is a Who-Err when he quite obviously isn’t. At one point in the discussion Alone told Squashed that he had no brain cells, after Squashed told Mr. Venceti that he had no honour. In response to this Squashed agreed that he no longer had any honour. On many occasions Alone told Squashed that he was in Las Vegas, to come and get him. Squashed said that he was too busy, he had a new Made Man to kill and that “we” all asked for this. Instead of going himself, he offered one million dollars for the death of Alone. Shortly after this, and following a brief bout of mugging, Squashed was killed. It is unknown as to who actually pulled the trigger but what is known is that the killing spree of Squashed has been…squashed. 'MYSTERY MEN RETIRE ' In the very early hours of Saturday morning, Mr Unknowny came to the streets to announce the retirement of his family line from the Mystery Men. RideTheLightning’s latest descendant followed him in short order to state that his family line would also be stepping away from public life. Many people offered words of regret at the passing out of public life of these two great Dynasties before a third joined their number. Wrenchy also announced the departure of his family line, and following on from the death of Possessed, another old Mystery Men family, but lately only loosely affiliated with them during his term as Street Boss, we don’t expect to see a return of this family line either for quite some time. TonyAtlanta was next in line to announce his retirement and we wonder how many more are going to leave our streets that little bit emptier for their passing. It is a sad day for those of us who knew and respected this group of individuals. They have long been a force in our community with mixed reactions to them from all sides. Some hated them, seeing them as mindless killers, others respected them for handling all their affairs swiftly and without mercy. All of their kills had reasons behind them, and most of them were points of honour or retribution. They rarely attacked without prior provocation and generally let it be known that they were the killers. The newspaper has had dealings with this group for a long period of time, and while the relationship was not always the best, the staff of the Gazette and particularly the editor, grew quite fond of the group. We are sad to see them go and hope to perhaps someday see the Mystery Men in our midst once more. 'WEDDED BLISS FOR HAPPY COUPLE ' Yesterday saw a happy day for both the Gran Círculo de Chido and the Gazette with the marriage of Furio-Giunta and CarmelaDeAngelis. The happy couple were wed slightly later than expected after a slight problem with the Priest being late, but once all arrived, everything went smoothly. The bride was led to the altar by her adopted Father, Malo wearing her Mother’s wedding gown of off-white silk, organdie and hand-made Italian lace. Carmela’s attendants, Savannah, Rose_Mccaulay and Venom_VixenIV wore similar dresses in green and all carried red roses. The groom wore a black suit, black silk shirt and dove grey silk tie and was accompanied by a similarly attired Gluttony acting as Best Man. Both men sported red rose buttonholes. Many people attended the wedding, including Furio’s family head, Fedaykin, and others from Chido including Mr_Wiggles, with two of the bridesmaids also coming from the same family. The service was presided over my Randle_P_McMurphy, whose family has long associations with both bride and groom. Miguel, a prominent Tanzini and long-standing friend of the bride, was one of the first to congratulate the happy couple and many have since sent telegrams of congratulation to the bride and groom. The newlyweds left for their reception at The Metropole Hotel in the Chicago bar district soon after the service and are expected to depart on honeymoon tomorrow. 'NOTES FROM THE ASYLUM #8 ' By: Lexicon Another weekend has come and gone, and with it a few more of my marbles consigned history. What is it about working with mad people that drives you potty? Recently at St.MZ's: Due to continuing staffing shortages, and a rise in the level of bad behaviour amongst patients and staff, Dr Squire QE2. JCB. PCP has introduced a fleet of Monkey Butlers. It is hoped that our simian colleagues can aid general cleanliness, security, and stop TieDomiII & DVS_Lover from bickering for one day! I am personally pioneering a research project into the behavioural benefits of stomach crawling. Initial results are promising, with both Harmony & MadDog's behaviour greatly improved following an impromptu session of crawl-therapy this morning. St.MZ's is BinGo-ing MAD! That's right, our favourite (read: only) nutjob depository is trying to raise moral with a series of games of bingo. Prices up for grabs include your own Monkey Butler, a tub of Sefton's lipbalm, plus a night on the tiles (literally, the hospital roof tiles) with Dr. TieDomiII ATM. VPL. WTF. 'GAZETTE OFFICES TO CLOSE TEMPORARILY ' Following the marriage of the Editor of the Gazette, the newspaper will not be appearing for a short period while the bride and her new husband are on honeymoon. Due to staff shortages, we will be unable to bring you the Gazette during this time, but normal service will be resumed as soon as possible on her return. We hope that you will bear with us during this short interval in editions. 'LETTERS TO THE GAZETTE ' Dear Carmela, What is up with these Shadow Soldiers? Seriously? Do they think that just coming out of no where and claiming a city and then shooting everything that moves is going to get them somewhere? I mean, sure no one wants to die but who is going to respect a bunch of random wackers with no goals and no social skills. That really what they are. In their most recent street appearance they left a lot to be desired, like a brain. Just shooting people will only get you so far in this world. There’s more to it than just that. Perhaps they should stop looking for fame and glory and just focus on making this place better like everyone else. Just my two cents though... Yours Always and Forever, Cooter J. Poo 'WE HEAR THAT… ' Gossip column by: Trixie ....bluebell is expecting. That’s right, her doggie Jeff couldn’t keep away one man. For the sake of bluebell, and really because I just don't know for sure, I'm not saying y who. But in 6 months, just mark my words little baby blue will be running around these streets and causing just as much chaos. Oh wait, Bluebell doesn’t cause chaos. Oh crap. ....Lokizle was on the docks early this morning, (About 20 minutes before I sat down to write this at 5:25AM) taking to what appeared to be a whore. the heavy makeup, ugly torn clothes. She Smiles her gap toothed smile at him and held out her hand. In which he immediately placed 500$ (Expensive whore eh?)and with that they vanished into the boat house. I ventured closer to see if I could peek in a window, but alas, all I got out of it was The noises and trust me...I'm going to be having nightmares for a while. ....Miguel was caught in the ladies department store red handed wearing a pair of lacy underoo's on his head, a bra, and nylons. Nothing else mind you. He was found outside the dressing room trying to get the manikins number. As the police dragged him out trying their best not to stare he shouted "CALL ME!!" and then was shoved into the police car where he tapped to get the cop's attention and said "I really like the way these feel on my skin". 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. HORSES FOR SALE 1 Hurricane Maniac $250,000 3 Friendly Scum $300,000 2 Clumsy Sam $325,000 4 Muddy Sneak $525,000 5 Naked Whiskey $325,000 All prices can be negotiated, discounts for multi-buys. No reasonable offers refused! Contact: JohnDavidson2 16:38, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:38, January 5, 2013 (UTC)16:38, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 16:38, January 5, 2013 (UTC) ******** Rap Battles held in The 313 in LA. Table has been written up, just choose a slot. Message Stan_V for details or drop into The 313 ******* 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. ' http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=49